missing escuds

i just read the blog of anya. sigh. i just know how she feels. indeed it was a gray day of a january. january 19. i just remember how excited i was going to SEC 124 with enzo all trying to fix the orcom kits we prepared for orcom 2004.. my dearest anaks...

it's so difficult letting this go. but i know there will never be a letting go. because all is inside my heart. i remember the days of texting them "welcome to orcom2004!" "looking forward to working with you".. indeed, orcom 2004 did not just work this year. we all became friends. too friendly as a matter of fact. oh how i miss the days of eating dinner after a meeting, still all together.. TOSH.. YELLOW CAB... TOSH.. TOSH and um.. TOSH. i miss the days when i ask "are my kids good today?" "what do you want mommy to bring?" as i drive down EDSA, wishing i was the only car so i can get there fast! it truly lits my face seeing them at 3pm at the ops room with me bring them little something to eat. i miss the days of fondue at ops room. no, not just those days, i miss the ops room. i miss the incessant complaints of "where's my orsem letter?" "why is teh aircon so hot?!" "where is enzo?!" "can i still volunteer?"...i miss the days of "orcom, callforth" "orcom. updates?" "orcom, may tsimis ako sa inyo!" "orcom anong lunch natin?" .. i miss everyone... i miss....... sigh. long talks... long texts... long chats.. bonding... oh how i miss those days.

we just had our evaluation and apparently we were greeted once again by a storm. it's all making sense now. all orsem2004 activites delt with rain. even with my first interview, it was raining. how could i forget that day? eventually the days of preparing for orsem were also filled with storms.. oh orcom, you know what i mean. it was drizzling with tears of here and there, storm of mixed love and laughs... nights of tears which caused flood of anger and hate... see, i knew it was not going to be a smooth road. but we made it. and i'm damn proud of it.

no regrets. no regrets indeed. if ever i had one, it would be not saying yes at once to the call of being orsem head. and if there was another, it would be letting fear eat my ego out during my first interview.

"summer loving happened so fast.."
summer loving escuds. summer loving my kids. summer filled of TEARS.. summer filled with LAUGHS. a summer filled wtih bonds. and for those who understands.. you know what we all mean. it just so sad to know that it had to end this way. but then who knows. life does go on. and as a noble friend told me. "all good things have to end. look where you are now. you'll find something greater"... i wonder, if all good thing have to end, why do bad thigns continue to exist? life is indeed weird. but this summer loving that happened so fast means more than just that phrase. i knew it. but i knew i did not pre-empt. no matter what it was. he'll always be a friend. and i do hope he'd still see me as one because that's the one thing last i can hold on to. (please yun lang wag mo ng pagkait...)

"how did you know i needed someone like you in my life..."
indeed they knew i needed them at least once in my life. they were not just my core. they were my kids, my inspiration to work with passion. that beyond all the challenges. the hurt. the.. everything. "no words can express how much, i love you" really, you've inspired me so much that i am willing to take the road again. hurdle every hump and crack and smoothen the road all together.

there's so much to say. so much to understand. so much to grasp. but time is too short to understand and say everything. i never wanted to open up a senti sessin durign the eval. or perhaps there was no time to do that. i wanted us to enjoy the last time we will all be together. the last time WE would be together. the last chance that i didnt even take. and i suppose you guys are already sick and tired of my senti speeches that only has two elements. "thank you and i love you" but honestly, i do. most especially you, i know you know. and i don't care.

i guess i'll end here. because if i won't this wont end.

anya, kung tanga ka. mas tanga ako. ok fine. pareho tayong tanga. scandalizing tanga sisters! karma na nga mga itich!? haaay true love itich! patay na nga!

ann, i'll face him but i dont know how. i dont know when. or if i would actually face him. time will tell. at ikaw, wag ka matulad sa amin ni anya na tanga. ok!?