My first post for the year!:D
THIS POST IS dedicated to Jemma! love you dear purple banana (hammock!)! hahahaha
Ross: Absolutely. (Very Squeaky.) I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, (deep voice) I'm fine. I'm not saying I wasn't a little surprised to see you guys kissing. I mean, at first I was like.. (Screams.) But now that I've had time to absorb it; Lovin' this.
Joey: Ross..
Ross: It's all working out! Me & Charlie, and you two. You know what we should do?
Rachel: Calm ourselves?
Ross: No. We should all have dinner. Yes, we'll do it tomorrow night. I'll cook!!
Joey: Look, don't you think that will be a little weird?
Ross: Weird? What? What's weird? The only thing weird would be if someone didn't like Mexican food, because I'm making fajitas!! (Storms off.)
Joey: I do like fajitas.
--
Ross: I thought I heard voices! Hi Charlie! (Kisses her.) Hi Joey. (Hugs him.) And.. Oh! You're gonna have to introduce me to your new girlfriend. (Laughs.) I'm just kidding, I know Rachel, I know. (He squeezes her hand.) Come, please come in. Come in.
Rachel: Okay, well, we brought you some wine.
Ross: Oh! That is so thoughtful. (To Joey.) She's a keeper. And what did you bring me? (Grabs the bag that Charlie brought for Joey.)
Joey: Uh, actually, that's..
Ross: Underwear, a toothbrush, and Van Halen CD. I can use all these things!!
Charlie: Gosh, Ross, you know, you seem a little...
Ross: What? Fine? Because I am! Aren't you? Aren't you? Aren't you? You see? Who else is fine?
Joey: Okay, listen, hey, Ross. Why don't you try to relax, okay? Maybe have a drink.
Ross: You know what? That is a very good idea. I'm gonna go make a pitcher of Margaritas.
---
Joey: No, no, no. You actually did that when you were dancing to the Chicago-soundtrack. Look, Ross, about, about Rachel and I. Listen, you don't have to worry about that, okay? Because nothing is gonna happen.
Ross: What do you mean?
Joey: Well, she and I said from the beginning that we weren't gonna do anything unless you were okay with it. And clearly..
Ross: Hey, what are you talking about? I'm fine!
Joey: It's okay, Ross, alright? I totally understand. Of course you're not fine. You're.. You're Ross and Rachel.
Ross: Except we're not. I mean, we haven't been a couple in like, six years. Oh my god, is that right? Has it been that long?
Joey: That's what I hear, yeah.
Ross: This is crazy. I mean, six years? And because of me you guys aren't gonna be together? Can I ask you something? Really, what is this thing with you and Rachel?
Joey: Come on, I mean, you know me, you know...
Ross: Joey.
Joey: I'm crazy about her.
Ross: And she feels the same way?
Joey: I think so.
Ross: Well, then, maybe it's time we all moved on.
Joey: Yeah, but, Ross, I mean, you're not okay with it.
Ross: No, but I wanna be. Hey, I will be. Besides, I'm with Charlie, right? Oh my god, I'm still with Charlie, aren't I? I mean, she didn't see the dance, did she?
Joey: No, no, no, no, that was - that was just for me. Are you sure about this?
Ross: Yeah, I'm sure.
Joey: And we're okay?
---
Ross: Well, I have a PhD, so... (assistant walk out, not impressed by this statement)
(Ross takes his bathrobe off and he enters the tanning booth. He stands up in front of the red light and the sprayer starts and sprays his face and torso)
Ross: One Mississipi, two Mississipi, Three Mis...(the sprayer starts again, spraying him in the face and torso again) WAIT! WAIT! I'm not-I've not finished counting!! (he leaves the booth) (the assistant enters the room)
Ross: You sprayed my front twice!
Assistant: You've never turned?
Ross: No, I barely even got to three Mississippi.
---
Joey: I don't get it. I mean, I was so sure this was what I wanted.
Rachel: Hmmm... Me too...
(She puts her head on Joey's shoulder and Joey kisses her on her head.)
Rachel: I wonder how Monica and Chandler could do it?
Joey: I guess they weren't as good friends as we are.
(Lifts her head from Joey's shoulder)
Rachel: Aah... I bet you're right.
---
Joey: I will be doing a dramatic reading of one of Emma’s books.
Rachel: Oh, ok, which one?
Joey: Uh, why, it’s a... (he picks a book up) one of her favorites, uh, (he reads the title of the book) “Riding the Storm Out. Coping with post-partum depression” eesh! (he puts the book back and picks up another) “Love you forever”. Love you forever. By Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly books. Printed (he pauses and changes the tone to a dramatic one) in Mexico. A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and while she held him she sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”. (the picture fades and Joey is now finishing the book). And while he rocked her, he sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”.
Rachel: (crying) Wow! That was amazing!
Ross: Thank you so much for that gift!
Chandler (nearly weeping): I was not ready for this today!
Ross: Amazing... amazing.
Rachel: Oh, Phoebe, I’m sorry! Phoebe has prepared something as well.
Phoebe: That’s right, I've prepared a song for Emma. From my heart to hers. For there’s no greater gift, than the gift of music. (she starts singing) Emma! Your name poses a dilemma. 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma! Maybe the actor Richard Crenna, he played the commanding officer in Rambo. Happy birthday Emma!
Rachel: Is that it?
Phoebe: No, of course not! I also, you know, prepared a reading (she picks up a book). “Sex and the single mother. (pause) Finding your G-spot.
Everybody: No, no, no, no, no!
---
Joey: je.
Phoebe: m'ap
Joey: mah
Phoebe: pelle
Joey: pel.
Phoebe: Great, ok faster! "je"
Joey: je.
Phoebe: m'ap
Joey: mah
Phoebe: pelle
Joey: pel.
Phoebe: Je m'appelle!
Joey: Me pooh pooh!
----
Chandler: Why are you so sure I didn't watch this tape?
Joey: (very angry) You wanna know wh...? You wanna know why? (goes back into his room)
Rachel: Well, this is going well. (Chandler looks worried)
Joey: (comes out holding the tape) Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, ok? (puts it into the vcr) If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. Alright, now remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan. (presses play and he appears on the TV screen and a TV commercial begins)
(The commercial:
Joey says "Ichiban". It displays a few girls dancing around and Joey fills most of the screen, he puts something blue on his lips and smacks them saying "Lipstick For Men!" It goes on to show him playing a guitar and putting on more blue lipstick. In the end he says seductively "Ichiban... Lipstick For Men" and "Sahiko" and it ends. Chandler and Rachel are speechless.)
Joey: (Yelling at Chandler) And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! (goes back to his room and slams the door).
---
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