the sound of a broken heart

On the list of hearts that have been broken,

It's not hard to find a place that bears my name.

So I learned to leave every door unopened,

Certain all I'd find was just more of the same.

- Fear of falling, Katherine Jenkins

Dealing with heartbreaks is something i know i swore off that i would not want to meet down my life road. Though i have had my share of hopeless romantic heartbreaks, i dont want to go thru those life shattering, suddenly tearful and drink all you can if i can sessions to get over one. I've read them, watched them, heard them and only a true heart broken lover could understand the true sounds of a broken heart.

I actually admire those people who could go on with life bearing battle scars of past loves. I have only been into, and is still in, one real love relationship in my life so i seriously do not have the right to analyze and paralyze myself to writing this entry. I dont also plan on wanting to hear my own heart break. I just want to reflect on how do real heartbreaks heal.... how do real heartbreaks come to a realization that it is ready to accept a new person who has the possibility to break your heart, again, as well.

Sadly, the past two weeks, i heard a heart breaking . Actually, Eight months ago, we were also trying to nurse another broken heart. The worst part of these stories, both had to break so slowly. Though these were not at all thier first heart breaks. In fact, i think of the closest friends i have, one of them has the one with the most battle scars in my lifetime.

For one, I was a witness to how their love grew from a simple friendship turning into something beyond it. Both scared to take the risk of what the heart feels; trying hard to be logical about the situation they were able to enter. Love prevailed and a year of romantic up and downs with shuttle cocks to destroy and xiao long paos to slurp with gusto-- the hard long climb of fighting for true love went away just like how THE panderer walking out and "unfriendingly" leaving.

You were everything, everything

That I wanted

We were meant to be, supposed to be

But we lost it

- My Happy Ending, Avril

I was actually happy that she fell in love with him. For the first time, in a long time, Pierre and I had a couple to hang out with. To share how it is to cope on monthly "red" letter days, appreciate each other's individual talents and skills, "i dont understand men" twexts (tweets and texts), laugh out loud on 'wedding jokes' in between beach trips and cooking battle shows.

It was actually a good run. It was a year built on friendship, on love, on laughter, on happy ending thoughts. But time went on and we wondered "how to keep that rhythm beating"... we surely explored other activities to be able to see a different world with each other-- together.

Didn't we share each other's dreams

We held each other tight

Ang tears fell from my eyes

As you walked and left me here

Like the wind you passed me by

I try but I can't see

If it's something that I said

Baby please won't you tell me now

'Cause it gets harder each passing night

- Each Passing Night, Gary V

Then it happened. I actually felt aftershocks of the bombshell that I read and heard. Tried to understand both sides over food, beer, shopping sprees, and even Max's fried chicken ( :P ). But still, until this very night that i am writing, i could not fathom the happenings of a 21st century kind of break up-- yes the facebook kind of break up.

No hugs, no words, no analysis would ever bring back what happened. No tweet, no shuttle cock, no culinary creation could release a pain sunk in too deep in her heart. questions and more unanswered questions of present and past ex-relationships surfaced as the river of tears and sighs overwhelmed nightly YM talks and Daily tweets.

Baby what you’re saying to me is

There’s no more you and I I couldn’t get it right on yesterday

So kiss our tomorrow’s goodbye

Baby love should ride me home

Should’ve just been a man about it

But now I’m crying like a baby

Your love was like my blanket

Don’t know what to do without it

I’m standing here, pleading my case

You don’t care, to hear what I say

Hanging yourself ten feet over the edge

My promises don’t mean nothing The end is so disgusting

- Yesterday, Toni Braxton

I still believe that one day, some day, her prince will come. Who will open her eyes and take her wonder by wonder--- yes, over sideways and under on a magic carpet ride! But how many more battles scars does she need to finally meet not a frog prince but a king who will make her not a princess but a queen.

Maybe at this point, all i can say is that, truly, things do happen for a reason. And the reason is somethign that has to yet reveal itself... As i said i haven't fully grasp how a once wonderful relationship just capsized even with a solid foundation.

It is surely a number of cheering up sessions, but i am glad that she has friends who she can spend time and energy with, a new career to race on, and family who will always be there no matter how many nor how deep the scars were and are.

As she said, this isnt the first time, and may not be the last-- but i look forward to days where she'll tell me that there's someone new. there's someone keeping her smile and laugh again.

someday, someone's gonna love me

The way, i wanted you to need me

Someday, someone's gonna take your place

One day I'll forget about you

You'll see, i won't even miss you

Someday, someday

-Someday, Nina

And to who ever you are who'll sweep her off her feet again, my only wish is that you understand that love is a feeling AND is a choice. A decision you had a chance on-- that would make wonderful changes in both your lives. So consequences of that decision is something you have to uphold.Understand as well that there will be times when selfish wrongs would take over both of you-- but if you decided to risk and to stand by her because it was your CHOICE to love her, then make sure you're bold enough to take greater steps. It has been a tough rough road-- so she's coming from somewhere, and so are you. Accept who she was, whoshe is, and who she will be--- so she can also accept who you were, who you are and who you will be.