No easy way to break somebody's heart

i was afraid of this. but i guess it was inevitable to happen. it was like the pink elephant i guess. this blog is a witness (especially unpublished posts) of my feelings towards pierre. He knows it as well that i do have feelings but. i would be lying if i never thought about getting together with him. i mean i guess it is all but natural for people to think and ask if he or she is actually attracted to the other. He revealed to me the other night everything he wanted to say , or at least i felt that way. And i have to say taht yes, i did revealed myself as well. but if it was just feelings , maybe we're a couple now. but weighing ALL the consequence if i do decide i know i cannot handle it.thereare just too mayn stings attached and i know it will not work if things will just get further.

i've heard a lot of comments that why shouldnt i try? maybe he is the one? -- yes dear friends ive asked that to myself so many times already and i have calculated my risks. ok why call it risk if i calculated it. because it was a decision and there are certain consequence such as change that will occur in every freakin decision you make in life. And seeing all the possibilities, i know i cannot take that. Call me unfair but it would be more unfair if i go thru it but i will just give him that sense of hope without saying anything. because i might be deciding so many other things as well that will not lead me back to him nor lead me to a totally different direction.(i need nt reiterate that my plans after college to give as example). i just dont think that risking it would bethe best solution nor staying in the gray area would make me realize better. why fool him and fool myself?why invest on emotions? on time? if right there and then you know it wont work. I mean if i am ready to stand up for him, and even stand up for my decision to be with him then maybe i am ready to love. but i know i am not.

pierre, i am really sorry. but you know very well that i am here for you still. its just not right at this point in time. maybe it's just timng that we need. maybe it's just something that i have to be more matured about. i just dont want to be unfair to you, because you're not unfair to me. so dont wait. i am not worth waiting for. you deserve someone who can love you the same way and not too logical on how things are and will be. thank you for beign honest with me and thank you for everything. this isnt the end of who we are, it is yet another chance for us to grow and another chance for us to learn. stay sane and keep sane teriyaki boy!