philo synthesis paper

I have always seen life as journey. Every step I make is a stopover to my final destination. Every journey may come to an end, brings you back home, but then we do not go back empty, in fact, we are fuller and richer. Life does not bring us back home with nothing. It brings us who we are and what we are. It envelopes us with the answers to all the questions we ask in life.

So how is my journey now? What stopover am I right now? Is it really a stopover or am I actually traveling to somewhere else? What view should I be seeing right now? Is this the first leg of the trip? Is it the ... last? Where am I right now? Where am I headed to?

My third year in college proves to be the most challenging yet most fruitful year in my stopover here in the Ateneo. Life has brought me so much surprises and it has indeed created a difference in me. I am not trying to say that my first two years in college did not give me the same fulfillment as how I realize my third year is. But my junior year is the one that made me realize things that were beyond me. Things that I never thought I would achieve and experiences that created a new road to travel on. My third year answered some questions I have been wondering about. But then it leads me to more questions that I know will not be answered anytime soon.

I started the school year with a smile in my heart. My involvement with Ignite Freshmen Orientation Seminar the summer before the first semester would be one of the reasons for this. I felt so empowered with success of the event and with the new friends that I met as I went through it. These new friends were truly one of those who guided me as I went thru my junior year in college. Now that I am realizing all these, it did not just leave me with a smile but it gave me a sense of determination to what I wanted.

The semester started, and it indeed became tougher as I started to get tied to get things to be done especially what is compulsory. With all the academic requirements, I still became more involved with school events which in fact shocked me that despite my busy schedule, I still got to accomplish my responsibilities as a daughter, sister, student, and Secretariat head for different events and organization at the right time and the right way. My involvement in Detour | ACP SHOW production crew as well as being part of the first ever TECHNO CORE of Pragmatix gave me so much insights to who I am right now. With all of these, I decided to try my luck to run as the next ORSEM head.

“Life is based and grows on questions”

My decision to run as the ORSEM head 2004 did not come to me as easily as people have thought. There were a lot of hunches already even right after ORSEM 2003 that I was the next one to lead the biggest event in the College. But these remarks never got into me. Because I knew that if I was indeed was cut for the job, I would not be bothered by how people have perceived me with my leadership abilities. But then, I knew I was being called for the job. I knew that it was my passion to be able to be of service to others and it is through ORSEM that I will be able to do such a passion.

I had a lot of doubts. My friends could attest to that. Coming from a family where my siblings were also a big part of ORSEM of their own time was a huge factor—my sister was a Talk and Tours (TnT) core and my brother was the logistics deputy and the project deputy. When people tell me that my winnablity is not a question so with my capacity to lead and organize events I would not really believe them because I knew my own capabilities as a leader. But somehow, somewhere deep inside me, I knew I wanted the job. But I do not know what was stopping me to finally say,”YES, I AM RUNNING!”

I truly had a support team when I finally said that I was going to run. They were the ones who constantly remind me that the job was created for me the coming year. I knew that their support was true because these are the people I met in the previous ORSEM. However, even with a firm decision already, I usually ask myself how sure I was to stand up for this decision because it was indeed the first position that I was running for, because the others, I was appointed to do so. My constant question was “Anj, what are you getting yourself into?”

The day of the release of the applications came. I could not seem to bring myself to go and get it by myself. I had to ask two of my closest friends in college to go with me. The doubt was still there. I kept on asking and asking myself…. “Is this for you? Is this gonna be your ORSEM? Is this gonna be the best bang I’m gonna give as I leave college?”

I was called for an interview. The questions thrown to me did not reach my expectations—to the point I end up crying. I felt I came from a bull session where everything I did wrong in my whole life was tossed back at me. I knew that day that I lost it. Everything that I immersed myself into for my decision to run was just put to waste.

This is when I realized who my friends are. These were those who gave me that cuddling hugs that said that everything was going to be ok. That everything will just fall in to place when everything has been settled. Eventually, I was called for a second interview. This time, I was more prepared. As if I was up against the mightiest and strongest battalion with me as the only warrior. I built up myself that week. I was ready to fight the biggest fight that I was going to make. I took my stand and I took the challenge. I only told myself “if it had to take my first interview to makes me a better person, a wiser person at that, then, more than anything, I am taking the challenge.”
Hence, I left my second interview as if i won a gold medal in the olympics. That was my goal that certain night….a few days after I was informed that my dream to become the ORSEM head 2004 has become reality.

“Let life question you, Life questions you everyday. The death of a friend asks what you really believe about death, the needy person asks how much you can love, a good joke asks if you have a sense of humor, solitude ask you if you really like and enjoy your company, a beautiful day asks how capable are you of enjoyment” –Victor Frankl

With my journey to becoming the ORSEM head, the question that my life raised to me was how strong I am as a person, How much have I learned in life that would make my subjectivity react to such challenging situations that persistently ask you how good you are as a person. I asked me how far I can go as a person. It was not just about how I can lead ORSEM, but how can ORSEM as part of my life contributes to my success as a person.
Without the questions that we raise in our commonplace, we will not be able to create the path that we are walking through. These life questions give us a direction to where we are suppose to go with the different decision that we make. But more than the direction it also put us in the picture of where we are coming from. We are all in that search of that truth, and this is the ultimate purpose of our questions.
My life questions perhaps are not as profound as others. But they are those that create my own identity. It creates the direction that I have to take. But then not all particular questions are philosophical questions. There are particular questions that do not answer our ultimate truth like “what am I going to eat today?” or “what am I going to wear to school today?” Philosophical question are those that provides us direction. That gives us that bearing of who we are. With my own experience, my question of “Should I run for the ORSEM head 2004?” is one of the questions that I would consider as a philosophical question for myself. I believe that with such a short experience as being the O-head, it has given me answers to my “truth-seeking” questions because it has endow me with more questions that makes me understand my total being. My experience has slowly uncovers certain truths that I believe is forming who I am. Who knows how many more truth-seeking questions I would encounter through out the summer that would leave me hanging for the rest of my life?
My continuous wandering in life makes me wonder more of what has life has given me. Sometimes with the routines I do in my everyday life makes me marvel. There are times when I know that I fully understand a certain concept but then there will be something that will pull me away from that full awareness. This usually happens when I start to ask myself “WHY?”
It seems to me that my life revolves around questions that lead to more questions. The continuous search for the truth gives our life a purpose. Our desire to be able to know the truth is the one that gives us that gentle push to go further our life and always go beyond who we are and even our own capabilities. We have to take risks, because without risks, we will not be able to see if the answer to our questions will be in different areas of what life has to offer.
My commonplace has given so much to me. My daily encounters with my family and friends perennially ask me what I am in this world more so; the experiences life has been offering me. They are those who make me reveal myself and inculcates on me that I do exists. It makes me realize my being-in-a-world-with-others. My thrownness to this world is insisted upon me. My having no choice but to accept the history that I was destined to have is also recognized to me. I was born with an already existing world and this world is the one that makes me exist. But then this thrownness also requires me to create a new history—the future that I am to create, which is also within my reach and it is up to me to make it real. It may be a repetition, but it would be a creative repetition of what has already been done.
Looking at it as the ORSEM project head, I was put in a position where everything is already laid out. Everything has seemed to be a tradition already with particular schedules that just needs execution. But then, the people working for Escudo | ORSEM 2004 is different from the individuals who made Ignite | ORSEM 2003 happen. These individuals are those who will creatively re-present this long-established event in Ateneo. With this new set of individuals who are working with me, we are giving ORSEM 2004 its own identity---which Soren Kierkegard would call “creative repetition”.

“Our actions lead us to go beyond ourselves, and so, we seek the other in dialogue, in friendship”

It is true that our simple action can really go beyond what we expect as a consequence. There are times that we do not know how much we have affected others whether it is positive or negative. An act can give a network of meaningful acts. Our actions indeed affect not only us but the people who are around us. The unpredictability of our actions is also equal to a consequence where we do not know where it is going. The ripple affect that it creates initiates something that would affect the bigger picture.
When we act, we act with the world. We do not act just to involve only ourselves. We think of how we are to involve the world. However even if there are instances that we are not conscious of the things that we do that we do not know the extent of the ripple of effects we have created. Perhaps the best example would be environmental problems. The emissions of the factories and cars and the single candy wrapper thrown into the river has created so much problems that has affected not only the environment, the economic sector is also affected with the production of goods because the political sector has given certain protocols that would limit the use of the environment.
When I ran as ORSEM head, the deputy of last year’s ORSEM told me “You will not be alone in this job. You will have a core that will support you and will be there to make it happen.” While the head told me that “choose a good core, you were part of the core that made ORSEM 2003 happen”. Indeed, to make ORSEM take place does not take just one person, it takes different minds to contribute to the grand success of ORSEM. I have to engage in dialogue that would anticipate the potentials of the other. Being part of a dialogue is also a reminder that we are beings in a world with others. Although, dialogues are not only those that are done with the others, dialogues are also done with the self. It is only though reflection that this is possible.
The experience of the other in dialogue makes one extract their individualities and be able to understand who they are as persons. But the creation of the person is not automatic. As mentioned above, it takes not just questions, not just wonder, but also the history one was thrown into. It also takes the action that would create the identity of the person that would engage him to be in contact of the society. This is what is real as humans, being able to interact with society for they are the source of our existence.
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”… “Real isn’t how you are made” said Skin Horse. “it is a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for being a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real”…

“We are not humans by birth; we do something to be human”. To be human is to be a product of the world and we do not come in as a finish product. When we enter the Ateneo, we are an Atenean—but then, we still have to do something to embody that being Atenean. Just as I became ORSEM head, I can always have the title, but the responsibilities and the duties that go a long with it is what I have to do to uphold such title. It seems that what we are truly passionate about and love to do is the one that would make us who we are. It is the fondness and devotion that we do to be able to create our identity is the one that leads us to where we are.
We have to make something real and this REAL is only possible when we finally comprehend what we are doing and what we want. We have to make things happen because if we do not do it, no one else will.

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit. “Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse… “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt”

Being able to pursue our being human beings, may not be as easy as we think. It takes a lifetime to be able to see fully who we are. We meet people that would eventually aid us to that unreachable fullness as a person. These people may also not aid you, they may obscure the way towards your journey to that fuller life.
There are definitely times when we do not get what we want even though how much we are passionate for it. To love is to understand there is something else in my existence. And this something else may be the one that would perfect your imperfections. To be real to be hurt at times, because without being hurt we will not be able to realize how precious life is.
The challenge that was imposed to me one my first interview may hurt me so much that I had to cry during the interview. But this has created a better person in me. It made me realize more the gravity of the position that I am holding. It made me stronger as a person more so as a leader.

“Does it happen all at once? Like being wound up or bit by bit?” ask the Rabbit. “It doesn’t happen all at once,” said Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That is why it doesn’t often happen to people who break so easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off. And your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all. Because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
The completion of our being humans will always be unreachable. It does happen bit by bit. As if it is always a preview of the big thing, but it is not given to us. As if it will never be given to us. The problem is getting it, getting to that fuller human. As Skin horse said that we might be old enough before we become real. But then I’d think otherwise. Becoming real happens when we finally realize our existence. When we finally see what our reality is as humans.
I believe that to see this reality is to be able to realize the people who are there to make us recognize our being humans. I believe that the family and society takes a big part in this realization.
My family is always one of the important factors in my life. However, my decision to run as ORSEM head was a bit a surprise to them. I never consulted them about my candidacy because I wanted to prove my independence that I can handle decisions on my own and stand up for them. But even with no word about it from them, I could sense their infinite support that they give me. Family will always be first in my priority list; it seems that everything that I do is rooted on what I want my family to think of me. Family is the one that I feel that belongingness and will always be a source of strength when everything else is down. They are the ones who will pick up the pieces for you when everything in your life has been torn. The acceptance within the family will never be compared to anyone because you reality as a person is clearly accepted no matter what reality you have created for yourself.
The society also plays a major part in this experience of the reality. In the society I live in, particularly in Ateneo, I feel that sense of duty that I have to do. Perhaps being ORSEM head is one of the contributions that I have for the success of this society. But being ORSEM head is not merely a position, but a role that I have in the society. It is my role to orient the 2000 incoming freshmen while being a bundle of inspiration to the 1000 volunteers. The society is there to be able to build you identity too. They are the ones who are able to provide us areas where we can be of service and be able to experience an intersubjectivitiy as we perform our roles as someone belonging to a community.
Indeed, belonging to a family and a community is a manifestation of our beings and its reality.


“It is through self-discovery that one is able to explore and love oneself in the pursuit of a free, responsible, and committed self-formation and growth”

I could have compared my life to my ORSEM head experience--from the realization of my passion to lead to the down days of realizing what people thing of me through my first interview, to stepping up to a stronger self. Life is indeed is a road which is rough. There is definitely no smooth road in life. But it is through our passion to be human that drives us forward. No one said it was easy, but I know that everyone would say, it was worth it.
The highlights of my junior year are like the so called “tourist attractions” in my life journey. These are the places where I met eccentric people and shared my life with them. These “tourist attractions” are the once that created who I am right now and have answered my ceaseless question of “who am I?”
All my life, I’ve questioned, “Who am I?”, “What is the purpose of my life?”…I am indeed quite sure that it is not just me who ask this. I could easily say that “I am Anj” or “I am Angela Raymond G. Ferreria”, “I am the project head of ORSEM 2004.” But then, are these characteristics what really define me as a person? I could always change my name and my position. But I know that I could not change who I am with the experiences I have encountered and the people that have touched my life and made me feel real. With all these, it made me realized what identity I have created as I continue to perceive the world.
But life can never be counted by seconds, minutes, hours or years. It is not only my junior college year that created me. I have to count not the time but the moments that created who I am. And these moments are every moment in my life.

“Be. But do not just exist. There’s more to life that being another name on the list”
Philosophy is then not just a study of life because philosophy is life itself. It makes you realize what has always been there. It reiterates what life is giving us that we may have been taking for granted. Philosophy then answers the questions of “what does it mean to be human?” because through Philosophy we are able to understand why we are human beings—through our existence in a world with others and our ability to know our limitations as humans as well as going beyond these limitations through our relations with others. It is our ability to make ourselves real through our truth-searching journey.
My questions in life perhaps will only be answered someday. Maybe not today or tomorrow. But through my path throughout life, I will soon discover the effects of my struggle for achievements and happiness through family and friends. But then, these questions allow us to unravel the philosopher within us. Thus, we are able to explore the self, the love of self and be able to form the self.
This may not be a stopover, but I am sure it is one of the moments that would make me say “I am indeed human”.



013365
FERRERIA, Angela Raymond G.
III- AB European Studies
Ph102: Dr. Manny Dy
Synthesis paper
19 March 2004